Putting Myself Out There
If you want to express yourself, share your creativity, and reach an audience, everyone tells you you must “put yourself out there.” I tend to decline the spotlight during share-time, politely embarrassed by the attention. And yet, close friends can tell you I have a habit of sharing, oversharing, and ultra-super-sharing on a daily basis, over and over, to the point where people have had to tell me to sit down and shut up already so they can get on with their lives.
I can admit I crave attention with a complicated twist of insecurity on the side. Any time I get attention, I quickly feel all kinds of guilt and shame, because I grew up believing you should never want attention. After all, it’s not polite, and you could find yourself “getting carried away.” Can you even imagine the scandal?
I let the inner voices fight it out, switching between variations of “no one wants to hear what you have to say” and “don’t hold back, because this inappropriate joke you’re about to tell at work is going to deliver laughs of gold, baby, pure gold!”
This battle has waged my whole life, from the first time I felt the instincts to put myself out there, starting in first grade, when my teacher made us write about what we wanted to be when we grew up. I titled my brilliant essay “Why I Want to Be an Actor...” I can only imagine the panic that my parents must’ve felt, sending them into immediate emergency crisis management. They reassured themselves it would go away, but it most certainly did not. I would not be contained.
In fact, the acting bug persisted its pesky holding pattern for several decades, including this curated selection of performances:
Dan as the Artful Dodger in our 4th-grade smash hit “Excerpts from Oliver and other popular musicals”
Dan as Skimble Shanks, the Railway Cat in the high school show choir “Cats” medley
Dan as Cliche Man and many other sketch characters, along with my cousins and brother on a video that will never see the light of day for obvious reasons
Dan as Mr. Foodlife, becoming multiple characters on Michigan Avenue to pass out coupons for the restaurant at Water Tower Place
Dan as multiple improvised and sketch characters on the stages of the Second City Chicago, iO Los Angeles, and UCB LA, all the way until my final goodbye performance in 2017 as Scooby Doo
Meanwhile, in college I found another way to perform, expressing myself through visual storytelling, making films, gathering friends, family, and confused strangers around for live screenings, and even sending tens of tens of people across the internet to watch web series episodes. So, it’s ridiculous to say I don’t like putting myself out there. I know some people that might very well want to tell me it’s time to take myself back inside.
Despite the discomfort and fears of rejection and humiliation, I can’t seem to stop myself from trying to feed my attention addiction. Inject those laughs, gasps, and tears from a live audience right into my flowing bloodstream. So, I’m feeding the habit by reviewing options for production of my podcast, creating promotional content, and building a creative team.
So, this process has finally forced me to put myself out there by getting on to the nasty task of settling on a title for the podcast.
Can you believe I still have not managed to pick one? All of my previous options come with their share of problems and issues, so I’ve created a new batch of possibilities. Feel free to let me know your thoughts if the mood strikes you...
The Mystery of the Journal with Three Snaps
The Mystery of the Principal’s Journal
The Mullen Family and the Mystery of the Journal
The Mullen Family and the Case of the Dead Principal
The Mullen Family and the Case of the Mysterious Journal
If you’ve read all the way to the end, thank you!